Weird Titans
by Overactive Mind
Summary: A bizarre Teen TitansWeird Al songfic. Songs specific to each Titan's personality. Rated for assorted semimature situations. COMPLETED!
1. Who the?

In honor of my recently joining a C2 (The Craziest Stories ever Written!), I've decided to make a supremely random fic based on two of my favorite things on Earth: Teen Titans, and Weird Al. Let the insanity begin!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Teen Titans, "Weird Al" Yankovic, or Gulden's Spicy Brown Mustard. At least, not all of it. I do own Overactive Mind, since everyone owns themselves.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA

One day, at Titans Tower, Robin was in the common room/ops center/kitchen/hangout/Gamestation temple, running yet another check on some obscure piece of evidence that could eliminate the number of possible Slade identities by as many as two people when the mainframe computer/big-screen TV/window suddenly went staticy. "CYBORG!" shouted the leader, "I NEED TECH SUPPORT!"

"Robin, you know I'm right next to you, right?" inquired Cyborg, who indeed had been standing right next to Robin the whole time.

"We all are." droned Raven, sitting on the couch with the other two Titans. She, Starfire, and Beast Boy had all bet on when Robin would finally give up on this latest shred of evidence, and they had agreed they would all stay on the couch to make sur no one cheated.

"Glorious!" exclaimed Starfire, "I have won the bet on friend Robin's latest outing of the freak! Exactly 17 _glorfzonks_!" Noting the blank stares around her, she translated. "I believe that is equal to 9 Earth hours."

Beast Boy glanced at his stopwatch. "She's right. She wins the pot." With that, he and Raven threw about $45 at Starfire, who flew to the local bulk store and returned with about sixteen gallons of Gulden's in about seventeen seconds. (A/N: Best. Mustard. Ever.)

This meant she was just in time to see the screen restore itself to clarity, only instead of an extreme magnification of a piece of gum Robin scraped off of Slade's boot, it featured a smiling, pubescent, and 3-D boy. Adjusting his glasses, he tapped on the glass on his end of the transmission, and called out, "Hello? Hello? You reading me, Titans?"

Robin banged his fist on the computer console and angrily blared, "Who are you? Are you working for Slade? Where is he? WHO is he? TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW?¡?¿!¡?¡!¡¿?"

As the other Titans marveled at this feat of punctuation, the guy onscreen nervously cleared his throat and replied, "You may call me Overactive Mind. I don't work for Slade, I don't even exist in the same dimension as he does. Now if you're done with your little spurt of paranoia, I can tell you why I contacted you."

Raven telekinetically restrained Robin once he started to froth at the mouth, while Cyborg continued the conversation. "OK, so why **did** you contact us?"

Overactive Mind smiled. "I've contacted you just to let you know that I can control your every move, and wanted to give some advance warning about what I'm about to make you do."

Raven raised a skeptical eyebrow, and questioned in an equally skeptical voice. "You can control us? Prove it." Overactive Mind smirked, typed something, and Raven suddenly started skipping across the common room/etc., singing "Beast Boy is so cute! Oh, Beast Boy is so cute! Hi-ho the derrio, Beast Boy is so cute!" She stopped abruptly, blushed furiously and clapped her hands over her mouth, shocked at what just happened. Beast Boy was equally stunned, and his jaw dropped to the ground, broke through, and emerged on the other side of the world, where several species of zooplankton revered it as a god and gave it offerings of virgin rhyzomes.

As Beast Boy retracted his jaw, causing a massive schism in the South Pacific, Overactive Mind laughed a little and said, "I love it when they ask for proof. Anyway, I'm just giving you guys a heads-up that I'll be making you do kareoke tomorrow. The bad news is that you'll all have to sing songs by the same artist, and I'm picking the songs. The good news is that you guys pick the artist. So, whaddaya want?"

All five Titans responded simultaneously, and at the same time too:

"Puffy AmiYumi"

"Devo"

"Eminem"

"The Jessica Simpson!"

"Weird Al!"

The Titans quickly got into a loud, obnoxious, yet untranscripted argument over the artist they'd have to sing selections from. Robin then whistled and, to the background sound of frantic typing, commanded, "Titans! We'll decide on this tomorrow. Let's get some sleep for now."

"But Robin, is it not the time of day?" asked Starfire. Suddenly, the sun sank past the horizon, the moon rose, and the Titans were incredibly fatigued.

"I suddenly feel incredibly fatigued." yawned Cyborg. "Time for bed." With that, everyone returned to their respective bedrooms.

LATERTHATNIGHTLATERTHATNIGHTLATERTHATNIGHTLATERTHATNIGHTLATERTHATNIGHTLATERTHATNIGHT

A small figure snuck through the wide, camera-friendly hallways of Titans Tower, winding its way towards the screen where a now vacant computer console could be seen both in front of and in the main monitor. Snickering, the figure quickly typed in a message, and hit the "Enter" button. "Message sent" stated the computer monotone. Grinning to itself over a job well done, the figure left the room.

Emerging from behind the console, Cyborg exhaled a sigh of relief and grinned wolfishly. "Now then, where were we?"

"Oh, baby..." exclaimed the computer.

THENEXTMORNINGTHENEXTMORNINGTHENEXTMORNINGTHENEXTMORNINGTHENEXTMORNING

After the obligatory tofu vs. meat argument and healthy use of Cyborg's Wafflematic (A/N: see "Cyborg the Barbarian"), the Titans congregated around the main monitor, and Overactive Mind's unimposing visage soon appeared. "Hi, Titans. Sleep well?"

Robin scowled. "Enough pleasantries. We've decided who we want for the artist."

The extra-dimensional teen blinked in confusion. "But you already submitted one. I even picked out your songs, and I'm not changing anything."

"Who was submitted?" Starfire inquired.

" 'Weird Al' Yankovic, of course."

Four Titans shifted their gaze towards a certain shapeshifter. "BEAST BOY!"

ENDFIRSTCHAPTERENDFIRSTCHAPTERENDFIRSTCHAPTERENDFIRSTCHAPTERENDFIRSTCHAPTER

Well, BB's in trouble. For those of you wondering, Robin suggested Puffy (Teen Titans theme song, duh), Cy wanted Devo (techno,) Raven wanted Eminem (nice and depressing,) and I think you can figure out who wanted the others. Coming up, we'll see Robin's song. I've picked out his, Cyborg's, and Raven's, but if anyone has suggestions for Starfire and/or Beast Boy, I'd be most appreciative. Please review, the button should be right on your left...or left on your right. One of the two.


	2. Robin's Song

Hello everyone! Well, I guess no one's gonna write a review until I actually post a song. Just so you know, in my song lyrics, when something's in parentheses, it means background singers are singing it. Just assume the other Titans are behind the one in the spotlight.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Teen Titans, "Weird Al" Yankovic, or any of his songs. Song lyrics courtesy of alsongs . com

RUNNINGWITHSCISSORSTRACKSIXRUNNINGWITHSCISSORSTRACKSIXRUNNINGWITHSCISSORSTRACKSIX

As the other four Titans leapt towards Beast Boy, about to rip him a new (insert major orifice here,) they suddenly all crashed to the ground to the sound of Overactive Mind's keyboard.

"Don't entirely blame Beast Boy, everyone. I'm the one who's going to set up the kareoke stage and force you to sing." stated Overactive Mind, in the happy tones of one who knows his aggressors are in another universe.

"What kareoke stage?" demanded Cyborg.

Smiling, Overactive Mind typed frantically, and Titans Tower was transformed. The stalk of its T shape widened into an inverted ziggurat shape, each square section wider than the one underneath it. The protruding parts of the tower bent upwards and transformed into giant amplifiers, as the part of the Tower that contained the common room expanded into a huge stage, facing Jump City, and massive stadium seating, complete with a Jumbotron behind the stage, where Overactive Mind beamed. "This kareoke stage."

The Titans were now standing on stage, and watched as the entire population of Jump City rose above the metropolis and each landed in a different seat. Allies of the Titans got front-row access, villains got stuck in the nosebleed section, where they couldn't kill anyone thanks to a handy everything-proof glass screen the separated their section like a hockey penalty box.

"Now then," proclaimed Overactive Mind, "Robin, you're up first!" The millions of Robin fangirls of Jump City began to cheer, whistle, and hurl flowers and more...initimate articles towards the stage. The showers of flowers and satin stopped shortly after Starfire blasted a thong out of existance. (Shortly afterward, the thong joined a number of similar items in an angel's closet.)

As the crowd waited in frightened silence, a printer under the Jumbovision produced Robin's song. After looking at the lyrics, Robin's expression quickly soured. "Oh no, I'm NOT singing this."

Overactive Mind's face clicked off the Jumbotron and popped on to Robin's communicator, which was currently hovering in front of the Boy Wonder's face. "You don't have a choice in the matter. Besides, it's perfect for your personality!"

"How? The singer here is clearly paranoid, overreactive, obsessive-"

"And how does this differ with you? Besides, there's another 5-letter word you obsess over even worse."

Robin sighed. "Fine, I'll do it."

The extra-dimensional being smiled, exclaimed "Excellent!" and flicked back on to the Jumbotron. "Ladies, gentlemen, et cetera!" called Overactive Mind, "Welcome. one and all, to Titanoke! Jump City's favorite superheroes (catcalls could be heard from the villain section) will perform songs by the one, the only, 'Weird Al' Yankovic!"

Silence reigned. A tumbleweed, magically called forth by the powers of narrative convention, rolled across the stage. Beast Boy morphed into a cricket and performed the obligatory chirp. Overactive Mind angrily typed, and soon cheering could be heard from every seat, except the villains, who weren't going to cheer for a Titan for a million bucks, which was quite fortunate for the city's deer population.

"And now, first among Titans, first in the playbill, the leader of the Teen Titans, Robin, singing 'Germs'!"

Robin walked up on stage, amid shrieks of teenage girls. No one threw anything, largely because of the Tamaranean hovering above the stands, Starbolts at the ready. Frowning at the ridiculousness of this all, Robin began to sing to the music now blaring from the speakers:

"Sometimes I really want to be alone

But that's one state I'm never in

Because I know that I've got millions upon millions

Of tiny, one-celled organisms living on my skin

(Germs) I rub and scrub until my flesh is raw and bleeding

(Germs) But they just come right back again

(Germs) I can't even see 'em, but I know they're up to something

Hey, don't touch that - you don't know where it's been

(Chorus)

They're all over me

They're inside of me

Can't get 'em offa me

I'm covered with (microscopic bacteria)

What do they want from me

What'll they do to me

There's no escape for me

I'm crawling with (microscopic bacteria)

Now if I ever dare to go to sleep

That's when they start their sneak attack

In the morning I wake up in utter horror

To find my teeth are covered with bacterial plaque

(Germs) Can't get those parasitic creatures off my face

(Germs) And there's more comin' every day

(Germs) I never said that they could camp out on my body

I wish they'd pack their tiny little bags and move away

(Chorus)

They're creepin' around my shorts

They're under the bathroom sink

(Germs) They're ridin' inside my car

They're swimmin' in evr'y drink

(Germs) They're hidin' between my toes

They're lurkin' in every kiss

(Germs) I got 'em way up my nose

In every orifice

(Germs) I'm gonna show them who's boss

I'm gonna get even yet

(Germs) Just gimme some Lysol spray

Just hand me a moist towelette

(Germs) Don't tell me I'm paranoid

I know that they're after me

(Germs) Look under the microscope

See?

(Chorus)

They're all over me (germs)

I can feel 'em all over me (germs)

Over every part of me (germs)

(Microscopic bacteria)

I know they're watching me (germs)

They're always watching me (germs)

They're coming after me (germs)

(Microscopic bacteria)

Won't somebody help me (germs) (microscopic bacteria)

Please somebody help me (germs) (microscopic bacteria)

You've got to believe me (germs) (microscopic bacteria)

They're out to get me (germs) (microscopic bacteria)

They wanna control me (germs) (microscopic bacteria)

They wanna destroy me (germs) (microscopic bacteria)

They're tryin' to kill me (germs) (microscopic bacteria)

It kind of upsets me"

The music came to a stop, and applause erupted from the stands without Overactive Mind's encouragement. Whistling, cheers, and banners with messages along the lines of "Marry Me Robin!" broke out among his fans. The banners were quickly blasted to smithereens, but it was a nice gesture. Robin took a deep bow and walked off stage.

Overactive Mind gave some applause as well, and resumed his announcer duties. "Very nice! Next up, everyone is..."

ENDSECONDCHAPTERENDSECONDCHAPTERENDSECONDCHAPTERENDSECONDCHAPTER

Sorry, you'll have to wait and see who's coming up next! To give you an idea of what "Germs" sounds like, it's a Nine Inch Nails style parody, so it won't sound like any specific song of theirs, but it will sound like they do in general. Flames are welcome, because they turn pretty colors if one burns the right chemicals. Please review!


	3. Cyborg's Song

Hello again. I'd like to thank iluvrobbie for her two lovely reviews, and midnightsasha for his/hers esteem-rebuilding commentary. Since the latter has told me not to worry about what others think, I'll disregard the other stuff they wrote. Now then, let the concert resume!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Teen Titans, "Weird Al" Yankovic, Pentium processors (though my computer might), Hewlett Packard, Doritos, or any other trademarked names and/or intellectual properties mentioned in my fic or others' song lyrics found in my fic, with the exception of Overactive Mind, who is me. Anyone trying to sue me better be doing it for something else.

RUNNINGWITHSCISSORSTRACKNINERUNNINGWITHSCISSORSTRACKNINERUNNINGWITHSCISSORSTRACKNINE

Overactive Mind gave some applause to Robin as well, and resumed his announcer duties. "Very nice! Next up, everyone is teh 13373$7, ahem, sorry, the most tech-savvy member of the Titans, Cyborg, performing 'It's All About the Pentiums!' "

Cyborg hopped up on stage, eagerly awaiting similar ovation to Robin's. Sadly, his reception was a bit more lukewarm. There were some half-hearted cheers, and several shouted insults from the villains section, but not a single garment flew into the air. He was briefly happy to see a banner, but it appeared to not only be written in ASCII binary, but it was being held aloft by several of the robots attending Fixit. Cyborg grimaced and nearly fled from the stage when he realized Fixit was giving him a "call me" gesture.

Just in time, Overactive Mind popped up on his communicator/right forearm. "OK, big guy, here are your lyrics." With that, the protuding piece of Cyborg's chest armor printed out the words he had to sing.

After briefly looking over the printout, Cyborg brightened. "Now that's more like it!" he exclaimed, "OK, O.M., let's do this."

Suddenly the stage altered itself to accomodate this next song. It expanded, and the edges rose somewhat, creating three distinct platforms. Starfire appeared on one side platform, Raven on the other. Beast Boy suddenly popped up next to Cyborg, and microphones clanged into place in front of each Titan (other than Robin, who hadn't stopped washing his hands since his song.) The music began, and Overactive Mind's insidious control took over:

(A/N: (Star and Raven) _BB_ Cyborg)

(It's all about the Pentiums, baby)

Uhh, uh-huh, yeah

Uhh, uh-huh, yeah

(It's all about the Pentiums, baby)

(It's all about the Pentiums, baby)

It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)

It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)

Yeah

What y'all wanna do?

Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers

Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?

9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard?

Workin' at a desk with a dumb little placard?

Yeah, payin' the bills with my mad programming skills

Defraggin' my hard drive for thrills

I got me a hundred gigabytes of RAM

I never feed trolls and I don't read spam

Installed a T1 line in my house

Always at my PC, double-clickin' on my mizouse

Upgrade my system at least twice a day

I'm strictly plug-and-play _Uh-huh_, I ain't afraid of Y2K

I'm down with Bill Gates, I call him "Money" for short _Yeah!_

I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support

It's all about the Pentiums, _what?_

You've gotta be the dumbest newbie I've ever seen

You've got white-out all over your screen

You think your Commodore 64 is really neato

What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito?

You're usin' a 286? Don't make me laugh

Your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half?

You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette

You're the biggest joke on the Internet

Your database is a disaster

You're waxin' your modem, tryin' to make it go faster

Hey fella, I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar

Downloadin' pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar

And postin' "Me too!" like some brain-dead AOL-er

I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller

You're just about as useless as jpegs to Hellen Keller

(Chorus)

It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)

It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)

It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)

It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)

_Now, what y'all wanna do?_

Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers

Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?

9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard?

(End of chorus)

Uh, uh, loggin' in now

Wanna run wit my crew, huh?

Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do? _Uh huh_

They call me the king of the spreadsheets

Got 'em printed out on my bedsheets

My new computer's got the clocks, it rocks

But it was obsolete before I opened the box

You say you've had your desktop for over a week? _Uh huh_

Throw that junk away, man, it's an antique _C'mon!_

Your laptop is a month old? _Yeah!_ Well that's great

If you could use a nice, heavy paperweight

My digital media is write-protected

Every file inspected, no viruses detected

I beta tested every operation system

Gave props to some, and others? I dissed 'em

While your computer's crashin', mine's multitaskin'

It does all my work without me even askin'

Got a flat-screen monitor forty inches wide wide

I believe that your says "Etch-A-Sketch" on the side

In a 32-bit world, you're a 2-bit user _C'mon!_

You've got your own newsgroup, "alt.total-loser" _C'mon!_

Your motherboard melts when you try to send a fax _C'mon!_

Where'd you get your CPU, in a box of Cracker Jacks? _C'mon!_

Play me online? Well, you know that I'll beat you

If I ever meet you I'll control-alt-delete you

_What? What? What? What? What?_

(Chorus)

_What?_

With Beast Boy's last agonized entreaty, the music finished, and even non-robotic members of the audience cheered Cyborg. He had won the girls, pwned the n00b, and ruled the stage. The applause died, but Cy was still hamming it up. Eventually, Overactive Mind had to type up a giant hook and drag the mechanoman back behind the stage. From his position on the Jumbotron, the typist surveyed the audience, smiled, and called "OK people. If you liked that performance, you'll love this one. Next up is none other than..."

ENDCHAPTERTHREEENDCHAPTERTHREEENDCHAPTERTHREEENDCHAPTERTHREEENDCHAPTERTHREE

What fun would it be (for me) if you knew who was going up next? Of course, if you're reading this after I post the next chapter, this little teaser will be pointless, but for now it's fun. For those of you wondering, Cyborg's song is a parody of "All About the Benjamins", by the artist then known as Puff Daddy. I haven't the slightest idea what he's dubbed himself now. Anyway, free cybermuffin to each person who correctly guesses who's up next. Kindly press the pretty button, and you could win a muffin.


	4. Raven's Song

Hello, all. Wow, my reviews increased 133 percent! Neat! Many thanks to Wind Lane (you're welcome) and TAS14 (I may take one of your recommendations.) Cybermuffins to both, as you'll soon see.

DISCLAIMER: I didn't, don't, and won't own Teen Titans, "Weird Al" Yankovic, any of his songs, or Taco Bell (you'll see.) Period. Deal with it.

BADHAIRDAYTRACKSIXBADHAIRDAYTRACKSIXBADHAIRDAYTRACKSIXBADHAIRDAYTRACKSIX

From his position on the Jumbotron, Overactive Mind surveyed the audience, smiled, and called "OK people. If you liked that performance, you'll love this one. Next up is none other than the darkest member of the Titans, Raven!" The stage remained empty. "Er...Raven!" The stage refused to produce the half-demoness. "Dang it..."

After a brief flurry of typing, the Jumbotron sprouted a large mechanical arm, which grabbed the reticent Raven and plopped her down front stage. She was quite irritated, and the arm was quickly crushed out of recognizable shape. She growled out, "This is pointless. I refuse to participate in this frivolous spectacle glorifying some mildly insane hack."

Overactive Mind flickered off the Jumbotron and began a telepathic conference with the Goth. 'I warn you, one more crack about Weird Al and you're singing Britney Spears in a Day-Glo bikini. Understood?'

Raven mentally sighed. 'Fine. If I must.'

'What are you complaining about? The crowd loves you!' Indeed, the audience had produced a number of dark banners proclaiming admiration, love, and a number of other emotions for the dark telekinetic.

Raven smiled a little at the reaction of the crowd. 'They seem to like me more than I do.'

'They sure do. Now get out there and wow 'em!' cheered the MC, and the lyrics for Raven's song materialized before her.

'Technically, I'm already "out there," but I get the point.' she replied. Raven perused the lyric's of her song, was for a moment terrified, then noted the last line. She smiled, and gave a thumbs up to the face now replastered on the giant screen.

Grinning, Overactive Mind began his next bit of proclamation. "And now, ladies and gentlemen, Raven will perform "Since You've Been Gone." With that, the stage adjusted again. The front remained as it was, but the rear portion of the stage rose up a bit. Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg all appeared on the raised rear stage, and in front of the front row, Beast Boy was plopped down into the best seat in the house. Overactive Mind took control, and music began to play:

(A/N: Raven (Robin & Star) **Cyborg** _All_)

Since you've been gone

Well I feel like I've been chewing on tinfoil

Since you've been gone

It's like I got a great big mouthful of cod liver oil

Well, I'm feeling like I stuck my hand

Inside a blender and turned it on

You know I've _been in a buttload of pain _**Yeah**

Since you've been gone

_Well, since you've been gone_

(Since you've been gone)

I couldn't feel any worse if you dropped

A two-ton bowling ball on my toes

(Since you've been gone)

It couldn't hurt any more if you shoved

A red hot _cactus up my nose_

Since you've been gone

Well, it feels like I'm getting tetanus shots every day

Since you've been gone

It's like I got an ice cream headache that won't go away

Ever since the day you left me

I've been so miserable, my dear

I feel _almost as bad as I did_

When _you were still here_

Closing her eyes Raven fell silent, though Robin held the last note out a bit. As she shrugged of the typist's control and reopened her eyes, she realized she was sitting in Beast Boy's lap, and recalled that she'd been closing in on him the whole time. The shapeshifter himself had passed out from joy, and she quickly removed herself from the rather compromising position, blushing furiously. Raven was so embarrassed, a black aura quickly engulfed every stand, and all the spectators (i.e. all of Jump City)were launched into the air and landed in the lagoon (A/N: or whatever you call that body of water that separates the city and Titans Tower.) All the Titans nervously peered over the edge of the converted Tower, where millions were treading water and said, as one, "We're OK!"

Everyone, Overactive Mind included, breathed a sigh of relief The populous was promptly teleported back to their seats, dry and, for some reason, smelling faintly of melon. The typist cleared his throat and called "Now then, our next performer will be..."

ENDCHAPTERFOURENDCHAPTERFOURENDCHAPTERFOURENDCHAPTERFOURENDCHAPTERFOUR

Heh heh, couldn't resist a little BB/Rae in there. I felt that, given their relationship and Raven's past, that was completely appropriate. "Since You've Been Gone" is an original, but if you've any doo-wop, it's along those lines. Now press the button or face my infinite hordes! Wait, never mind. My hordes are on lunch break. Fine, review, or face my infinite hordes after they get back from Taco Bell!


	5. Starfire's Song

Hello, fellow authors! And to those of you who haven't written anything, get off your duffs (great British word) and start milking your ideas! With an audience this big, you'll be bound to find someone who likes it. Anyway, on to my cheery "(insert expletive here) you" to the heads of fanfiction .net, as I, gasp, RESPOND TO MY REVIEWS!

**Aragorn501:** Thanks for the appreciation. You've picked out two of the three possible songs I'll do for Beast Boy. Oh, and as for Raven's suggestion, I'm a Weird Al fan. Depressing music is not exactly my forte.

**realfanficts:** Good point. I'll update the genre. As for the matter of hordes, do yours have...jetpacks? Lasers? Genghis Khan's DNA? Fear my flying Khans! Bwah hahahahaaaaa... Yeaaah...thanks for the review.

**numbah-1-RAVEN: **OMG THX 4 TEH IDEA BTW THEERS A KEY ON UR KEYBORED CALED CAPS LOCK, U SHUD TOTALI PRES IT! Seriously, though, thanks for the review.

**TAS14:** I don't know Happy Birthday, and One More Minute has some gender issues when sung by a woman. Still, appropriate suggestions. Also, thanks for the genius comment.

Now that I've performed the literary equivalent of raising my middle finger to the establishment, time for the fic!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Teen Titans, Weird Al, any of the latter's songs, Inuyasha, Star Wars, or any characters associated with any of those entities. I only own Overactive Mind because he's me. Understood?

ALAPALOOZATRACKEIGHTALAPALOOZATRACKEIGHTALAPALOOZATRACKEIGHTALAPALOOZATRACKEIGHT

The populous was promptly teleported back to their seats, dry and, for some reason, smelling faintly of melon. The typist cleared his throat and called "Now then, our next performer will be everyone's favorite Tamaranean princess, Starfire!"

"Hey!" Suddenly, a purple blast hit the stage, as Blackfire rose out of the villains section. "What about me? I'm the older sister. I'M the better one. How come this runt gets an entire stage to herself?"

Overactive Mind frowned as he typed rather rapidly. He said only one thing to the irate ex-emperess. "For questioning me and leaving your seat, you will be turned into a platypus." Before Blackfire could even process the strange news, there was a poof of altering reality, and a disgruntled, purple-eyed platypus fell back into the nosebleed se-, I mean, special reserved villains section. "Any other objections?" the 3-D figure asked menacingly. As one, the assembled evildoers shook their heads (except in the case of Kardiak, who shook its aorta.) The extradimensional overseer smiled, and continued. "Good! Now then, get on up here Star!"

The alien girl hesitantly walked on stage, to the great joy of innumerable fanboys. Some waved banners. Others threw confetti that had their phone numbers written on it. A select few had green contact lenses, dyed red hair and orange-painted faces, making them look more like football fans than anything. The ecstatic reception was cut short when one guy in blue robes waving a sign that read "Will You Bear My Children?" got hit in the head with a giant boomerang and was promptly returned to the proper part of the website. Everyone assumed it was some new form of Birdarang and shut up.

The stage shifted in preparation. The central rear portion of the stage rose considerably, while, for some reason, refrigerators spread in curving ranks from the edges of the elevated area to the edge of the stage, forming a partial circle that enclosed Starfire. Robin and Cyborg appeared on the elevated portion of the stage, since Overactive thought it might be a good idea for Beast Boy and Raven to have a little privacy after their number. Microphones appeared in the appropriate places, and Starfire's communicator went off.

"Yes?" she inquired.

"Ready, Star? Everything's set up." Overactive Mind was poised over the button that would start things off.

She nodded eagerly. "Oh, yes. I have been eagerly awaiting my chance to carry the oky. Please, where should I put it?"

The writer sweatdropped, and Robin interjected, "Uh, Starfire, it means you're going to sing."

The Tamaranean nearly rose off the ground from joy (literally.) "Even more glorious! Will I be performing a Tamaranean folk song?"

Everyone, even people who weren't even remotely involved in the concert, sweatdropped at the sheer obliviousness of that statement. It was, in fact, the first documented case of sweatdropping in many species on the planet. A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, an old man shuddered. "What is it, Ben?" asked his young friend.

"It was as though there were a billion voices, crying 'Oy,' and then, silence."

His Padawan shrugged. "Eh, probably gas."

Back on Earth, Starfire managed to grasp the concept of kareoke, and was finally ready to sing. "And now, the moment we've all been waiting for," Overactive Mind deadpanned, "Starfire performing 'Livin' in the Fridge' !" The music gratefully started:

(A/N: Star (Rob & Cy) _All_)

There's somethin' weird in the fridge today

I don't know what it is

_Food I can't recognize_

My roommate won't throw a thing away

I guess it's probably his

_It looks like it's alive._

_And Livin' in the Fridge, Livin' in the Fridge_

_Livin' in the Fridge, Livin' in the Fridge_

There's something gross in the fridge today

It's green and growin' hair

_It's been there since July_ (Ewwwwwwwww)

If you can name the object

In that baggie over there

_Then mister, you're a better man than I!_

It's Livin' in the Fridge

(You can't stop the mold from growin')

Livin' in the Fridge

(Can't tell what it is at all)

Livin' in the Fridge

(You can't stop the mold from growin')

Livin' in the Fridge

Tell me, do you think it can be carbon-dated

Fumigated or cremated and _buried at sea_?

You try to save a little bit of your home cookin'

Couple weeks later, got a scary-lookin' specimen

It always happens my friend

_Again and again and again and again_

Well, somethin' stinks in the fridge today

And it's been rottin' there all week

It could be liver cake or woolly mammoth steak

Well, maybe I should take another peek

(Creeeeeeeeek!)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Livin' in the Fridge

(You can't stop the mold from growin')

Livin' in the Fridge

(Can't tell what it is at all)

Livin' in the Fridge

(You can't stop the mold from growin')

Livin' in the Fridge

Livin' in the Fridge

(Don't know what it is, Don't know what it is)

Livin' in the Fridge

(Don't know what it is, Don't know what it is)

Livin' in the Fridge

(Don't know what it is at all)

Livin' in the Fridge, yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeaaaaaaaaaah

As she finished, Star blinked in confusion. "I do not understand. Why have you chosen a song about life in 'the fridge?' " Overactive popped up on her communicator and whispered the reason. "Oh, yes, many Tamaranean dishes do become active again if left alone for too long. Very amusing, friend Mind of Overactivity."

As the other Titans present let out a sigh of relief, glad Star didn't learn what they really thought of her cooking, the emcee flickered back on. "Thank you, Starfire. Now then, our neext performance tonight will be..."

ENDCHAPTERFIVEENDCHAPTERFIVEENDCHAPTERFIVEENDCHAPTERFIVEENDCHAPTERFIVE

If you don't know who's up next, you either are very stupid, or very forgetful. I just left it blank for tradition's sake. For those of you wondering, this chapter's song was a parody of Aerosmith's Livin' on the Edge. Please review, or I'll throw this Hiraitos again.

"Give that back!"

What the...Sango? What are you...OW! C'mon...ow! Please, not the face! Kindly review, everyone! Please, anywhere but there!


	6. BB's Song and Special Guests

Sorry for the delay, I had to update my other fic AND recuperate from wounds caused by a certain perturbed demon slayer. Didn't even know my ears could bend that way...moving on, time for BB's performance! But before that, I've got some reviews to answer, whether ff. net likes it or not.

**Purple Moonshine:** I do, don't I? Thanks.

**Fire and Ice equals Slush:** Nothing's original. I'm sure this concept's been done at least dozens of times before. Glad I could expand your Al repetoire.

**ILoveLock:** OMGWTFBBQ THX SO MUHC!1!ONE! Seriously though, thanks for the review.

**Aragorn501:** Well, now you don't have to.

**Darth Cruel:** I'll do my best to incorporate more BBRae fluff. I think you'll be pleased.

**realfanficts:** Constant vigilance? Does the Endless Hordes Union know about this? I'm surprised your hordes haven't gone on strike.

**Story of my Liff:** Yeah, The Food Album is not one of his best...hey, I've reached chair-falling hilarity! Sweet!

**Wind Lane:** I've left that to your discretion. You can put your mind as deep into the gutter as you want...

Thanks and muffins to everyone who reviewed! Extra muffins to those of you who suggested BB's song. One thing left to do before we get to the chapter:

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Teen Titans, "Weird Al" Yankovic, any of his songs, or any of the intellectual property and copyrighted material mentioned in the below song lyrics. The odds of me ever owning any of the things mentioned below are equal to those of the average Rwandan.

POODLEHATTRACKONEPOODLEHATTRACKONEPOODLEHATTRACKONEPOODLEHATTRACKONE

As the other Titans present let out a sigh of relief, glad Star didn't learn what they really thought of her cooking, the emcee flickered back on. "Thank you, Starfire. Now then, our next performance tonight will be the only Titan who picked his own song, Beast Boy!"

"WHAT?" Starfire, Robin, and Cyborg all looked at the Jumbotron in shock. "You said you were the only one who could pick songs!" exclaimed Robin.

"Well, yeah, 'cause I assumed the rest of you didn't know any Weird Al songs! BB and I have been discussing it whenever he was backstage."

"Ahem." Raven cleared her throat as she and Beast Boy walked on stage, hand in hand. A keen observer would note Raven was missing her belt, Beast Boy had his gloves on the wrong hands, and both appeared very exhausted and had exceptionally disheveled hair.

Seeing the changeling and telepath with this rather compromising appearance, the BB/Rae shippers in the audience triumphantly cheered, waving banners featuring the two holding hands, hugging, kissing, and so forth. Meanwhile, numerous Rob/Rae, BB/Star, and other empirically incorrect shippers would've committed _seppuku_ if it weren't for Overactive Mind's interference and the lack of swords with which they could impale themselves

The former reason the depressed shippers stayed alive genially amended his statement. "OK, we decided during Starfire's number. After that, well-"

"It's none of their business." Raven said matter-of-factly. Beast Boy enthusiastically nodded, still too stunned by the assorted banners and his earlier activity with Raven to verbally participate.

"Exactly," agreed the author. Resuming his emcee duties, he continued, "And now, ladies and gentlemen, the animal kingdom in one convenient package, the lean, green, Weird Al mmachine, Beast Boy, performing 'Couch Potato'!"

"HOLD IT!" shouted a voice from the back of the stands. Rushing to the front, the vociferous figure's pudge, numerous pimples, bloodshot eyes, and vaguely draconic remote proved it to be Control Freak. "This is my favorite Weird Al song of all time," pleaded the nerdy nogoodnik, "you just gotta let me do backup!"

Smiling, Overactive Mind nodded. "Of course. Let it never be said I don't help my fellow geek."

Yet again, the stage shifted. The refrigerators were replaced by plasma-screen TVs, which were programmed to display every TV show referenced by the song as it was mentioned. The stage all shifted to the same hieght, and Beast Boy and Control Freak stood side by side. Microphones popped up, and the two otaku didn't even need Overactive Mind's assistance as the music began

(A/N: BB (Control Freak) )

Look

If you had

One shot

To sit on your lazy butt

And watch all the TV you ever wanted

Until your brain turned to mush

Would you go for it

Or just let it slip?

Yo

Remote is ready

Eyes wide, palms are sweaty

There's Flintstones on the TV already

Wilma N' Betty

No virgin to channel surfin'

And I'm HD ready

So I flip, garbage is all I'm getting

There's Simon Cowell

Who folks wanna disembowel

He opens his mouth, always says something foul

They're dying, Wow!

Wannabes are crying now

He votes them out

Time to throw in the towel

Shows based on reality

Oh! The humanity!

Oh! Ozzy's family!

Sho' loves profanity!

Whoa! The insanity!

Oh! Dogs that crap and pee

Home of depravity?

No! They live happily

Yo! Plus "The Ali G Show"

And "Celebrity Mole"

Oh there's Anna Nicole

She's scaring me

"Look ma, no cavities!"

Oh! It's a station break

Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something

"You're gonna lose your mind watchin TV"

They told me, they'd scold me

But I still tune in every show (show)

My cable gets C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO

The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo)

"You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV"

They told me, cajoled me

"Turn off those music videos!" (no!)

I'm gonna watch C-SPAN TV Land and HBO

The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo)

("You're Gonna...")

My butt is aching

As I watch NASCAR racing

That show about undertaking

Larry King to "24" to "Law and Order"

The Weather Channel's boring like 60 Minutes

Ancient reporters. Next up on "E! True Hollywood Story"

The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey

Shows for next fall, they've already been naming

"CSI: Boise", and "Touched By An Uncle"

Both sound pretty lame and

so does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond"

and "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minute

I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it.

I'll move right on to "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenaged Daughter"

Then I bet I'll watch "The Bachelorette"

Followed by "Welcome Back, Kotter"

And "The Muppet Show" where they go "Mahna Mahna" (Mahna Mahna!)

"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"

They told me, they'd scold me

But I still tune in every show (show)

My cable gets C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO

The Disney Channel, and A&E and Lifetime (yo!)

"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"

They told me, cajoled me

But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow)

I'm lookin' at C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO

The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo)

Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost in Space"

I've seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without a Trace"

But I only watched "Will and Grace" one time one day

Wished I hadn't cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay

Oh, and "Fear Factor" I watched maybe a half hour

After that felt like I needed a long shower

Network execs with naked ambition

"Next week on FOX - watch lions eat Christians!"

Like to tie up those programming planners

Make 'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like "Scanners"

Leech-covered grub-eating fools on "Survivor"

Look, there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider

And there's Gilligan and SpongeBob, plus there's MacGyver

And Jay Leno has got Madonna and hey, there's Luke Perry

And a special all Pig Latin episode of "Drew Carey"

Wanna turn on ET cause I'm a gossip freak

And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week

A 30 second spot, then we come back to "Are You Hot?"

I was planning on recording "The Sopranos". I forgot!

I love shows with or without a plot

I stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot

Because I only have got

one brain to rot

I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot

"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"

They told me, they'd scold me

But I still tune into every show (show)

My cable's gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO

The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo!)

"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"

They told me, cajoled me,

"Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show!" (no!)

I got it on C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO

The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo!)

You can watch anything you want to, man.

As Beast Boy ended with the final spoken line, cheers rang out among shippers, fans of the shapeshifter (most of whom had fake protruding fangs, green facepaint, or both,) and pretty much everyone in general. Even Raven smiled and applauded. The giant robotic hand came out again, returning Control Freak to his seat, where his neighbors congratulated him. (They would have given him high-fives, but he was sitting next to the Source of Nufu and Malchior's book, so that was out of the question.)

"Superb work, BB!" praised Overactive Mind, "You were right, this was the best choice. Now then, I bet you all think I'm out of Titans, don't you?" Cautiously, everyone nodded. "WELL YOU'RE WRONG! I have a few more performances up my sleeve." With that, he typed frantically, and the Titans East were plunked right onto the stage.

"What the?"

"¿Que pasa?

"Yo no se. ¿Que crees, Flechito?"

"Are they talking to me or you?"

"You, obviously! Did that sound like 'Aqualad' to you?"

"Ahem." The author drew the disoriented team's attention. "Hi. My name is Overactive Mind. The Titans West can fill you in on what's going on. After that, you'll be singing, starting with..."

ENDCHAPTERSIXENDCHAPTERSIXENDCHAPTERSIXENDCHAPTERSIXENDCHAPTERSIXENDCHAPTERSIX

I bet you all thought this would be it, didn't you? How I laugh at your ignorance! Ha ha ha! Anyway, my other ideas for BB included "Dare to be Stupid," "Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters From a Planet Near Mars," and "Melanie." Still, I couldn't deny the perfection of "Couch Potato."

Moving on, I have plans for every member of Titans East except Bumblebee. Any recommendations for everyone's favorite insect-themed heroine? Please include that and/or if you're happy that this continuing in your review. No push the pretty button. PUSH IT!


	7. SpeedyRobin Duet

Salutations, fans! Well, I have good news totally unrelated to car insurance: I've decided on Bee's song. You'll have to wait until chapter 9 to see what it is, but I have decided on it. Moving on, I'll attend to the reviews and disclaimer, then move right into the action:

**imfromjupiter:** Thank you for pressing the button. The money has been placed in your account. ;) Also, no pie for late guesses.

**Tealfrog26:** I won't ask why, I'll just do this: ¡¿¡¿¡¿¡¿¡¿¡¿¡¿¡¿¡¿¡¿¡¿¡¿¡¿¡¿¡¿ Thanks for the review!

**Wind Lane:** Thanks for trying, but I came up with a better idea. Still, I appreciate the effort.

**Aragorn501:** WOO! HERE IT IS!

**realfanficts:** Surprisingly, my penmanship is not why my hordes follow me. I give a great dental/medical plan, not to mention two months paid vacation per year. When your hordes are infinite, you can do that kind of thing.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Teen Titans, "Weird Al" Yankovic, any of the latter's songs, Oprah Winfrey, or any of her vast holdings, including all yachts, diamonds, and the sovereign nation of Ugogirl. Song lyrics courtesy of alsongs . com

EVENWORSETRACKFIVEEVENWORSETRACKFIVEEVENWORSETRACKFIVEEVENWORSETRACKFIVE

"Ahem." The author drew the attention of the just-warped Titans East. "Hi. My name is Overactive Mind. The Titans West can fill you in on what's going on. After that, you'll be singing, starting with Speedy and Robin."

"WHAT?"

"BUT I ALREADY SANG!"

"So? This song will only work if you both sing, and you can't stop me even if you refuse."

"Why not?" demanded Speedy, but he was quickly informed of the writer's powers over the Titans' reality, along with the rest of the Titans East.

"Pssh, no MAN can tell me what to do." boasted Bumblebee.

"Oh really?" Overactive Mind arched a skeptical eyebrow, then quickly typed something new. Bumblebee suddenly found herself stretching her arms out as her mouth involuntarily formed the words "Starfire, give me a hug!"

"Oh, but of course, friend Bumblebee! I am always willing to hug my dearest friends!" With that, Starfire gave the the sassy superheroine an embrace the likes of which had been outlawed by the Geneva Convention. Bumblebee's eyes widened both in shock and because they were being forced from their sockets by the Tamaranean's affectionate crushing.

"So," said Overactive, returning his gaze to the masked duo," you guys gonna do this willingly, or will I have to make you?"

The archer sighed. "Fine. We'll do it."

The author beamed. "Excellent!" He quickly switched to emcee mode: "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the masked former sidekick that knows karate and throws things, and the masked former sidekick who knows karate and shoots things, Robin and Speedy! They'll be performing 'I Think I'm A Clone Now."

Once more, the stage shifted. As the other Titans went backstage (Cyborg had to carry Bee, who was now notably thinner than usual,) the entire performance area became completely symmetrical, as the two nearly identical heroes recieved their microphones. They sang side by side, simultaneously as the music began:

Isn't it strange...? Feels like I'm lookin' in the mirror

What would people say...if only they knew that I was

Part of some geneticist's plan

Born to be a carbon copy man

There in a petri dish late one night

They took a donor's body cell and fertilized a human egg and so I say...

I think I'm a clone now

There's always two of me just a-hangin' around

I think I'm a clone now

'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down

Look at the way...we go out walking close together

I guess you could say...I'm really beside myself

I still remember how it began

They produced a carbon copy man

Born in a science lab late one night

Without a mother or a father

Just a test tube and a womb with a view...

I think I'm a clone now

There's always two of me just a-hangin' around

I think I'm a clone now

'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down

I think I'm a clone now

And I can stay at home while I'm out of town

I think I'm a clone now

'Cause every pair of genes is a hand-me-down

Signing autographs for my fans

Come and meet the carbon copy man

Livin' in stereo, it's all right

Well I can be my own best friend and I can send myself for pizza, so I say...

I think I'm a clone now

Another one of me's always hangin' around

I think I'm a clone now

'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down

I think I'm a clone now

I've been on Oprah Winfrey, I'm world renowned

I think I'm a clone now

And every pair of genes is a hand-me-down

I think I'm a clone now

Thats my genetic twin always hangin' around

I think I'm a clone now

'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down

Cheering rang out from the audience, who had suddenly doubled in size. Apparently, the population of Steel City had been plopped into a new seating area during the number. Even the numerous adversaries of the Titans East had appeared, at the same altitude as the western villains. Robin's fangirls had returned with a vengeance, and Speedy's fans waved bows of all sizes and materials.

After a rather violent yet nonlethal strafing run by a certain Tamaranean, the crowd quieted down enough for the next announcement from Overactive Mind. "I can't think of many things that could top that last performance, but here's one of them! Performing next, its..."

ENDCHAPTERSEVENENDCHAPTERSEVENENDCHAPTERSEVENENDCHAPTERSEVENENDCHAPTERSEVEN

I thought that song seemed appropriate of those two. Robin lovers rejoice, for your hero got an encore! For those who are wondering, the song's tune is that of "I Think We're Alone Now." Next up is another duo performance, whoever guesses both singers correctly gets a virtupie of their choice of flavor. If you also guess the right song, that means double the pie! Now kindly update, or I will be sad.


	8. Surf & Salsa

Hello again! Wow, I'm impressed at the high numbers of people who correctly guessed the pie question. Did I really make it that obvious? Let's examine things review by review to find out:

**Darth Cruel:** Thank you, thank you. I'm glad I got you hooked. Now I can manipulate you like my personal fic junky. Mwahahaha! Thanks again for the review.

**TheKidFromTheSouth:** Sorry, no plans to sing on my part. My role in this fic is making others sing, whether they like it or not. ) Thank you for the Dooby Award. I'm most honored. I've added the documentation to my profile. As thanks, I give you the revered e-scone, the most treasured of my digital pastry. As a final note, I'm sorry to say that "Amish Paradise" will not be played. I'll see if I can finagle a cameo bit for you.

**Faerie12123:** You receive one-and-a-half virtupies for inadvertently guessing what the next song and who the next singers will be in your request. However, BB's through singing for the night. He and Raven have some "meditation" to do, if you catch my drift.

**BBXRAVEN 4 EVER:** Another 1 1/2 pie winner! Thank you very much.

**Phishy2:** Where to begin? Your dragon minions will be used as mounts by MY hordes before they even get close to my toes. I wrote that last sentence after only five jellybeans! Thankees for the milk and cookies, here's a squeegee for getting them off your screen. As for the points: 1. Al has a much larger fan base than you'd think. We number in the dozens at least. 2. Zooplankton government is infamous for its huge amounts of pork (or, as a direct translation, "those really juicy phytoplankton with more chloroplasts than you can shake a flagellum at." ) in the best of times. 3. You don't want to know. Trust me. 4. Cool.

**Aragorn501:** Sorry, but no. Cyborg will, however, be Bumblebee's backup bass. (Try saying THAT five times fast "That five times fast." Quiet, you!)

**WindLane:** Correct! Another 1 1/2 pies go to you. Excellent deductive skills.

Those of you who received only 1 1/2 pies will see why you didn't get the last half-pie at this chapter's afterword. Disclaimer time!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own "Weird Al" Yankovic, any of his songs, Teen Titans, or any other copyrighted materials used in this fic. Those who wish to subpoena me may only do so after they explain why you can't combobulate someone if you can discombobulate them.

OFFTHEDEEPENDTRACKEIGHTOFFTHEDEEPENDTRACKEIGHTOFFTHEDEEPENDTRACKEIGHT

After a rather violent yet nonlethal strafing run by a certain Tamaranean against a certain group of fangirls, the crowd quieted down enough for the next announcement from Overactive Mind. "I can't think of many things that could top that last performance, but here's one of them! Performing next, it's the two masters of one language and the one master of two environments. I give Aqualad and Mas y Menos performing 'Taco Grande'!"

"¡Taco grande!" piped Mas, "¿Donde esta?"

"Si," chimed Menos, "tengo mucho hambre."

"No, senores Mas y Menos, su cantacion se llama 'Taco Grande.' " Overactive Mind evidently came in SAP, where available.

"Ohhhh." chorused the hypersonic herolings. Mas continued, "De Alberto Extrano, ¿verdad?"

"Si. ¿Les gusta Alberto Extrano?"

"¡Claro que si!" exclaimed Mas. Menos continued, "¡Nosotros creemos que sus cantaciones son comicissimos!"

"Excuse me," Aqualad interjected, "could one of you please use English?"

Overactive Mind would've sweatdropped, had that been possible in his dimension. "Sorry, I try to practice my Spanish. Anyway, you three ready or what?"

Mas y Menos nodded eagerly. Aqualad, however, wasn't so ready to perform. He'd enjoyed watching that ichthyovorous Speedy get embarrassed on stage, but he wasn't exactly willing to undergo the same thing. However, once he saw that just about every female (as a decent number of the males) in the audience were cheering for him and/or waving banners of blue, black, and silver, his mind was swayed. He nodded, eagerly awaiting the opportunity to lyrically embrace his fans.

"Great!" the author exclaimed. The stage shifted par usual. The front central portion of the stage stayed level, but the remainder rose to form a mini-audiotorium within the main one. Everything became festooned in vibrant colors and images of Mexican food, and the the turbo twins began to drool on the double-decker microphone that had materialized before them. Their simultaneous salivation soon ceased as the song started:

(A/N: Aqualad _Mas_ **Menos** **_Both_**)

_Taco..._ **grande**

_Taco..._ **grande**

_Yo quero chimichangas y chile colorado_

**Yo tengo el dinero para un steak picado**

_Las flautas y tamales,_ **siempre muy bueno**

_**Y el chile relleno**_

You see, I just gotta have a tostada, carne asada

That's right, I want the whole enchilada

My only addiction has to do with a flour tortilla

I need a quesadilla

I love to stuff my face with tacos al carbon

With my friends or when I'm all alone

**Yo tengo mucho hambre** _y ahora lo quiero_

_**Un burrito ranchero**_

So give me something spicy and hot now

Break out the menu, what you go, now?

Oh, would you tell the waiter I'd like to have

Sour cream on the side

You better make sure the beans are refried

_Taco... _**grande**

_Taco..._** grande**

Well there's not a taco big enough for a man like me

That's why I order two or three

Let me give you a tip, just try a nacho chip

It's really good with bean dip

I eat uno, dos, tres, quatro burritos

Pretty soon I can't fit in my Speedos

Well, I hope they feed us lots of chicken fajitas

And a pitcher of margaritas

Well the combination plates all come with beans and rice

The taquitos here are very nice

Now I'm down on my knees,

We need some extra tomatoes and cheese

And could you make that separate checks, please?

**Taco...** _grande_ **Taco...** _grande_

**_"Buenos noches, senor. Bienvenido a el burritos Casa de Salsa. Tenemos muchos platos muy sabrosos si puedo recomendar el ardiente pollo al infierno muy delicioso. ¡Sus ojos se quemaran! ¡Su estomago estara en fuego! ¡Se quedaran en el bano por una semana! ¿Entiendes lo que digo, gringo estupido tonto?"_**

Well the food is coming I can hardly wait

Now watch your fingers, careful hot plate!

What you think you're doing with my chili con queso?

Well, if you want some, just say so

Oh boy, pico de gallo

They sure don't make it like this in Ohio

**No gracias**, _yo quiero jalapenos,_ **_nada mas_**

You can toss away the hot sauce

_¿Donde estan los nachos?_ ¡**Holy frijole!**

You better get me a bowl of guacamole

Y usted, Eugene? Why's your face turning green?

Don't you like pinto bean?

You want some more cinnamon crispas?

If you don't, hasta la vista

Just take the rest home in a doggie bag if you wanna

You can finish it manana

Well, it's been a pleasure, I can't eat no more

_**Señor, la cuenta, por favor**_

If you ain't ever tried real Mexican cooking,

Well, you oughtta

Just don't drink the water

_Taco..._ **grande** _Taco..._ **grande**

**Taco...** _grande_ **Taco...** _grande_

With the final piece of chorus sung, the spell was lifted. Cheering rose in a crescendo among the entire audience. Even the villains clapped politely. Aqualad leaped onto the very front of the stage, eager to further please his adoring public, but they fell silent as he came forward. Only then did he realize the banners being waved had a decidedly red and white color scheme and a featured high levels of plusses, minuses, and

Spanish text.

"¡Menos! ¡Menos! ¡Mas Mas Mas!" cheered the crowd. The twins were astonished at this sudden spike in their popularity, but quickly embraced it. The two sped from audience member to audience member, signing banners, concert t-shirts that had magically appeared on everyone after Speedy and Robin's duet, and anything else they were asked to apply a pen.

The frenzy of supersonic signatures continued until Overactive Mind was forced to use a large electromagnet to drag the identical imps back on stage. (A/N: Guessing from name and a scene in "Titans East, pt. 2, I'm guessing their powers are electromagnetically based.) As Mas y Menos returned backstage to help comfort a sulking Aqualad, the otherwordly emcee called the next act. "Alright then. I don't know if it's fair putting anyone after a performance like that, but we'll just have to see. Our next singer is..."

ENDCHAPTEREIGHTENDCHAPTEREIGHTENDCHAPTEREIGHTENDCHAPTEREIGHTENDCHAPTEREIGHT

Once again, done for tradition's sake. If you scrolled down here to find out why I stiffed you half a pie, allow me to explain: Last chapter's contest was something of a trick question. Given that their powers rely on one another and their tendency to speak as one, I kind of counted Mas y Menos as one person, and Aqualad as the other. Sorry, I just didn't want to: a. Make it seem like I was rushing the fic by using three heroes at once, or b. Make Mas y Menos go completely OOC by speaking English. I thought Aqualad had sufficiently swarthy features to merit his inclusion.

For those of you who are wondering, this song was a parody of "Rico Suave" by Gerardo. For those of you who are wondering who the next singer is, you need to learn the process of elimination, because the only unused Titan remaining is Bumblebee. If you can guess the song she'll sing, you get a cybermuffin (I ran out of pie.) Now kindly press the pretty button and write a review. Raves are huggled, criticism is appreciated, and flames will be mocked.


	9. Bumblebee's Song and BBQ

I apologize for the great delay. As with most fic authors, school has severely cut into my creative time. Still, at least I haven't given up entirely! BTW, anyone else enjoy "Get Real" last night? Control Freak is one of my favorite villains, he reminds me something of me. I especially loved the fact they threw in a bit of shipper war. Now then, on to the review responses:

**Saint H:** Thank you very much! I hope this chapter will be enough to put me on your favorites list.

**realfanficts:** Sorry, I missed that review last time. I'd be more than happy to ally my hordes with yours. Let all tremble before our combined might! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

**Aragorn501:** You'll find out this chapter. Thanks for the review!

**TheKidFromTheSouth:** Sorry, but I'm not inserting any other authors or anthropomorphic food items in this story. Hope this doesn't make me lose my Knighthood of the Insane Table...

Now let's disclaim and begin!

DISCLAIMER: I don't, haven't, and won't own any part of Teen Titans, the Flintstones, Futurama, "Weird Al" Yankovic, or the songs of the lattermost in the present, past, or foreseeable future. So there.

OFFTHEDEEPENDTRACKTWOOFFTHEDEEPENDTRACKTWOOFFTHEDEEPENDTRACKTWO

As Mas y Menos returned backstage to help comfort a sulking Aqualad, the otherwordly emcee called the next act. "Alright then. I don't know if it's fair putting anyone after a performance like that, but we'll just have to see. Our next singer is Bumblebee, performing 'Trigger Happy'!"

The heroine in question looked confused. "I don't get it, why 'Trigger Happy'?"

Cyborg cleared his throat and informed her, "Uh, Bee, you're kind of using your stingers to barbeque." Indeed, Bumblebee had chosen to use her monogrammed laser devices in place of burning charcoal on the grill in front of her.

She narrowed her eyes. Bumblebee **hated** being called a gun nut. Fortunately, she knew just how to get Cyborg to shut up. She hefted a rack of ribs that would satisfy Fred Flintstone off the grill and whistled. "Here, Sparky! Here, Sparky!" Cyborg's eyes locked on to the slab of laser-grilled muscle, and his salivary glands began to gush. "See the ribs, Sparky?" prompted Bumblebee, "Go fetch!"

With that, she hurled the meaty mass far into the audience, and Cyborg chased after it on all fours, crying "MEAT! MEAAAAAAAAT!" as he ran.

After the audience had been recollected, sedated, (in one unfortunate circumstance, extracted from a certain bionic stomach,) and Beast Boy felt well enough to come out of the bathroom after seeing what he kept calling "the meateor of armageddon," Overactive Mind finally engaged the stageshift. The stage assumed a layout similar to that when Raven was the main singer, but there was a notable exception: Projectile weapons of every size, description, and ammunition almost covered the entire stage. The only clear spot was the central area where four mikes awaited the four Titans drooling over the various weaponry. Smitty the custodian had to mop up before the song could begin, but after he left the stage, the music finally began to play:

(A/N: **Cyborg** _Robin & Speedy_ Bumblebee)

_(Trigger happyyyyy)_

_(Trigger happyyyyyy!)_

Got an AK-47, well you know it makes me feel all right

Got an Uzi by my pillow, helps me sleep a little better at night

There's no feeling any greater

Than to shoot first and ask questions later

Now I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day _(happy every day!)_

Well you can't take my guns away, I got a Constitutional right

Yeah, I gotta be ready if the commies attack us tonight

I'll blow their brains out with my Smith and Wesson

That out to teach 'em all a darn good lesson

Now I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day _(happy every day!)_

**(Oh yeah, I'm)** trigger, trigger happy

Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy

**(Oh baby, I'm)** trigger, trigger happy

Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy

**(Oh, I'm so)** trigger, trigger happy

Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy

Better watch out, punk, or I'm gonna have to blow you away

Oh, I accidentally shot Daddy last night in the den _(shot Daddyyyy in the den)_

I mistook him in the dark for a drug-crazed Nazi again _(drug-craaaazed Nazi again)_

Now why'd you have to get so mad?

It was just a lousy flesh wound, Dad

You know I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day _(happy every day!)_

Oh, I still haven't figured out the safety on my rifle yet _(Bop doo wop, shoo wop wop doo wop)_

Little Fluffy took a round, better take him to the vet _(Bop doo wop, shoo wop wop doo wop)_

I filled that kitty cat so full of lead

We'll have to use him for a pencil instead

Well, I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day _(happy every day!)_

**(Oh yeah, I'm)** trigger, trigger happy

Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy

**(Oh baby, I'm)** trigger, trigger happy

Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy

**(Oh, I'm so)** trigger, trigger happy

Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy

Better watch out, punk, or I'm gonna have to blow you away

Come on and grab your ammo

What have you got to lose?

We'll all get liquored up

And shoot at anything that moves

Got a brand new semi-automatic weapon with a laser sight _(Shoot to kill now, shoot to kill)_

Oh, I'm prayin' somebody tries to break in here tonight _(Shoot to kill now, shoot to kill)_

I always keep a Magnum in my trunk

You better ask yourself, "do you feel lucky, punk?"

Because I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day _(happy every day!)_

**(Oh yeah, I'm)** trigger, trigger happy

Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy

**(Oh baby, I'm)** trigger, trigger happy

Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy

**(Oh, I'm so)** trigger, trigger happy

Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy

Better watch out, punk, or I'm gonna have to blow you away. _(Watch out or I'll blow you away!)_

Better watch out, punk, or I'm gonna have to blow you away. _(Watch out or I'll blow you away!)_

Better watch out, punk, or I'm gonna have to blow you away. _(Watch out or I'll blow you away!)_

Better watch out, punk, or I'm gonna have to blow you away.

The crowd cheered, waved yellow-and-black banners, and chanted Bumblebee's name. Pom-poms of hair had somehow popped up on many a scalp, and numerous Steel City fanboys wielded cardboard "B" shapes and made shooty noises in praise of their favorite Titan. The denizens, dastards, and defenders of Steel City slowly faded away, as they were whisked back to the coastline from whence they came.

"Well," said Cyborg, "that should be about it, right?"

An unnecessarily loud buzzer rang through the transformed Tower. "WRONG-O!" cried Overactive Mind. Amidst the Titans' moaning, he elaborated. "Relax, there's only one song left. This one is conciliatory. You guys have been such good sports through this whole fanfi-I mean, experience, I'm letting you choose a song. It doesn't even have to be by Weird Al!"

Robin grinned. Finally, _he_ could be in control again. "Titans, huddle!" he cried, easily slipping back into "hard-tuchus leader mode." The powered pentad conferred, argued, and eventually pleaded for assorted songs. They broke apart, and Robin looked up at the Jumbotron. "Overactive Mind," he said, "we've made our decision."

ENDCHAPTERNINEENDCHAPTERNINEENDCHAPTERNINEENDCHAPTERNINEENDCHAPTERNINE

Heh heh, final cliffie! Sorry, but the next chapter will be this fic's last. Hopefully, I'll be able to get it written and uploaded within a month. :P Anyone who correctly guesses the artist I'm using gets a cybermuffin. Guessing the song gets you a virtupie. Good luck to all, now review! Review for delicious virtual pastry!


	10. Grand Finale

I know, I'm a lazy schlemiel. I apologize for the huge gap, but real life has a nasty way of interfering with one's authorial duties. On the bright side, with a snow day-supplanted three-day weekend, I can complete Weird Titans unhindered. But first, since some of my reviewers posted before the response system, I'm responding to you all here and now:

**Silverchild of the winds**: I'll be sure to update Mox Quest ASAP. Star took a break from blasting things through most of this fic.

**Angela Scarlett**: SO DO I! Glad you liked 'em. My other fics aren't as Yankovic-intensive, but I think you'll enjoy them as well.

**realfanficts**: Yeah, Bumblebee's song was not easy to pick. My hordes and n-dimensional sinuses stand ready. )

**Wind Lane**: Sorry, but my sledgehammer of wrongness will have to stay unused on this one. You win teh pie!

Now then, time for me to perform my first final chapter to a multichapter fic. (Sounds like an obscure Oscar, doesn't it?)

NICETRACKTWELVENICETRACKTWELVENICETRACKTWELVENICETRACKTWELVENICETRACKTWELVE

"Well," said Cyborg, "that should be about it, right?"

An unnecessarily loud buzzer rang through the transformed Tower. "WRONG-O!" cried Overactive Mind. Amidst the Titans' moaning, he elaborated. "Relax, there's only one song left. This one is conciliatory. You guys have been such good sports through this whole fanfi-I mean, experience, I'm letting you choose a song. It doesn't even have to be by Weird Al!"

Robin grinned. Finally, _he_ could be in control again. "Titans, huddle!" he cried, easily slipping back into "hard-tuchus leader mode." The powered pentad conferred, argued, and eventually pleaded for assorted songs. They broke apart, and Robin looked up at the Jumbotron. "Overactive Mind," he said, "we've made our decision."

"And that would be?"

Robin grinned confidently. "Our theme song." The other Titans seemed surprised at their superior's selection.

"DUUDE!" cried Beast Boy, "You promised we'd do Mozart Symphony #40!"

A thought occurred to Raven. "How'd you even know any Mozart?"

"It's my ringtone," the shapeshifter replied, holding up a forest green flip phone that played a digitalized version of the symphony in question. Unfortunately, Beast Boy's revealing his alternate mode of portable communication made thousands of his fangirls in the audience storm the stage, adorned in green facepaint and imitation Doom Patrol uniforms.

"Oh my GAWD! BB's cell phone!"

"Get the number! GET THE NUMBER!"

"Stop clawing at my eyes!"

"Give me that phone!"

The infatuated feminine frenzy was only interrupted when a certain telekinetic's pitch black mental energy separated the rabid fangirls from their glomping object, who had thankfully suffered no injury other than a happy daze and a lust-induced nosebleed. "Step away from the shapeshifter," Raven growled, becoming progressively more demonic as the sentence continued, "HE'S **MINE!**"

Overactive Mind hastily brought the Beast Boy bacchanal back to their bleachers and alliteratively ameliorated the Azerathi's anger. "Well," he said, "even though the team didn't completely agree on this selection, why don't you guys perform it before anyone else decides to storm the stage?"

Everyone agreed this was a wise idea, and assumed their positions. Robin got lead guitar, Cyborg took up the bass, Beast Boy took the drum set (as an octopus, of course,) and Starfire and Raven stepped up to the stage with magically manifested mikes in hand. Huge LCD panels slid up, transitioning between the Titans' theme song footage and a Puffy AmiYumi music video as the song continued. But first, the music had to start:

When there's trouble, you know who to call (TEEN TITANS!)

From their tower, they can see it all (TEEN TITANS!)

When there's evil on the attack

You can rest knowing they got your back

'Cause when the world needs heroes on patrol

TEEN TITANS, GO!

With their super powers, they unite (TEEN TITANS!)

Never met a villain that they liked (TEEN TITANS!)

They got the bad guys on the run

They never stop until the job gets done

'Cause when the world is losing all control...

TEEN TITANS, GO!

TEEN TITANS, GO!

If your heart is black, you better watch out

You cannot escape the team

When they catch you, there won't be any doubt

You've been beaten by the team

beaten by the team...

T, E, E, N! T-I-T! A-N-S! TEEN TITANS! LET'S GO!

T, E, E, N! T-I-T! A-N-S! TEEN TITANS! LET'S GO!

T, E, E, N! T-I-T! A-N-S! TEEN TITANS! LET'S GO!

T, E, E, N! T-I-T! A-N-S! TEEN TITANS! LET'S GO!

When there's trouble, you know who to call (TEEN TITANS!)

From their tower, they can see it all (TEEN TITANS!)

When there's evil on the attack

You can rest knowing they got your back

'Cause when the world needs heroes on patrol...

TEEN TITANS, GO!

TEEN TITANS, GO!

One, two, three, four, GO!

TEEN TITANS!

The crowd erupted into cheers, The villains erupted into boos. In the South Pacific, a volcano erupted into lava. Overactive Mind applauded furiously, having enjoyed the finale as much as any other nonvillain in attendance, if not more. "Superb work, team! Again, I thank you all for participating-"

"Not like we had a choice," Raven muttered.

Overactive Mind pretended not to hear her. "-and I have but one thing to say:" Suddenly, the extradimensional emcee's voice changed to Cyborg's: "Yo, BB! Wake up man, it's 11:30!"

"Huh?" The shapeshifter was stunned. Suddenly, even though his eyes were open, their lids somehow passed in front of them again. He was apparently in his room, resplendent in putrefying laundry and sentient pizza boxes. The regular waves of the ocean against the Tower's island mixed with Cyborg's insistent pounding on his door.

"Beast Boy," the cyberteen continued, "if you don't get up now, I'm making ribs for lunch!"

"I'm up, I'm up!" The changeling called desperately, still half-asleep. As he pulled on his uniform, Beast Boy thought to himself, 'No more late-night Weird Al jam sessions after eating BBQ sauce and tofu pizza.' And in the background was the faintest sound of a keyboard, typing away.

ENDOFFANFICENDOFFANFICENDOFFANFICENDOFFANFICENDOFFANFICENDOFFANFICENDOFFANFIC

I know, cheesy ending, but it came to me as a great way to prevent any retribution: Make 'em all forget it ever happened! Yes, it did happen, BB's the only one who remembers it since he's the only one who's familiar with Weird Al. Well, that's it for Weird Titans. I hope everyone enjoyed it. Many thanks, props, kudos, and other assorted intangibles to everyone who read, and more to those who reviewed. For those of you eagerly awaiting an update on another of my stories, I'll try to work on Mox Quest ASAP. Thanks again, everyone!


End file.
